The following journals and IMs were received from a subject who identified as submissive but who struggles to accept his submissive nature. he expresses a desire to submit to a Mistress and to feel Her control.
Previous journal at:
I have a confession to make.
I remember reading in your journal about subjects who go through cycles of interest and involvement of their fetish…I am one of those people…
You’ve probably figured that after the long gaps in my communication with you…
I’ve been through a few of these since you first hypnotized me at the beginning of the year…It’s really confusing for me.
I know I am truly submissive at my core and I’m sure thats why I love hypnosis and why I am so suggestible…
I go through stages of listening to your MP3s every day and it’s bliss…your hypnosis is really effective and It just feels so good knowing how weak I am to you…how much power you have over me. The best realization of that was after you gave me permission to listen to CEI level two and I did something I thought i never would…I ate my cum and I loved it…Just how you could make me crave it so badly… But then I’ll head away for work in a male dominated industry and I’ll feel some guilt and push it away.
But every time I push it away there’s always something that will i guess trigger my submissive desires again..
Over the weekend I was with a girl and I orgasmed on her back and she said “good boy” and I insantly felt the most intense rush of submissive desire and my mind went to you and I wanted to eat my cum right off her back so badly…I actually snuck a taste while cleaning up and it felt so good…I wasn’t interested in the girl I was with anymore and I couldn’t stop thinking about being your cum eating sissy and how much I wanted you to control me…to give me more commands ..I kept thinking how I was my mistresses sissy cum eater…I couldn’t wait to get home and lisen to one of your MP3s…which I did…
And so now I find myself again feeling so submissive to you…craving your control so badly…wanting to please you somehow…so desperate.. so weak…it feels so good but bad at the same time because feel cut off from you after the gap in time…
I felt compelled to tell you all of this because I feel like you control me again and I want to sort this out so I’m a better cum eating sissy for you…I want to make it up to you…Can you help me, Mistress?
Can’t wait to hear from you, Mistress… I’m going to listen to your mp3s in the mean time…
your obiedient cum eating sissy,
yes, I had assumed that you were in one of your “purge” cycles of the fetish.
you can make it up to Me by writing a journal and listening to My hypnosis…
there is so much more for you to experience….
Yes, Mistress. I will do that today.
I’m thinking of a new MP3 perhaps….I’m nervous about your latest additions..
why so nervous of them?
When you are back from leave I would like to talk about some stratergies to avoid purging
I am a hetero male…and I know your files will work well..
check down this page to a post I wrote called :”Accepting your submissive self..”
I write there about binge/purge cycles
so- a new mp3 to listen to?
yes…there are some new…delicious mp3s since you made contact last
although the thought of you conditioning me to crave something i never would like when I first ate my cum is thrilling…
hmm well, there’s certainly the files such as “Anal Play: shemale cock”
hhmmpp. I’ve been curious about anal play before…And the thought of you making me crave it makes me feel so hot and weak…
you should start with anal play 1 first…..
shemale cock is 2nd level
then I plan a HFO from anal play mp3
I wonder how soon I can make you crave…..
Ohh wow…will I need a toy or something?
some use a toy while listening
I suggest you listen to anal play (the first level) without a toy
and see how you strong your response is to that
from there- shemale cock
Yes Mistress. I will do my best to obey you and let you condition me…
I note from My web site sales, that subject sam bought the 1st mp3 Addicted to Anal Play within a few minutes of messaging with Me. Then- approx 2 hours later, he purchased Addicted to Anal Play- shemale cock.
After talking today I followed your insturctions and bought Addicted to Anal Play 1 & 2…
I was so nervous before listening being a heterosexual male…but my desperation for more of your programming and instructions made the choice for me.
I had been listening to some morning mantras earlier in the day so I was feeling so much more suggestible and weak before I even began. I’m not sure where to begin…I’m still feeling the effects of the last session….
After multiple listens in a row of level 1 and then hearing level 2 I can’t stop thinking about a sexy shemale cock fucking my aching arse….the tought is SO arousing…my arse is literally aching and my cock is so hard again despite cumming after the last session just a few minutes ago (and I ate up all of my cum like a good cum eating sissy). Cumming didn’t satisfy me like it normally would….I want to be fucked by a sexy cock…and I can’t fulfill that desire now so it’s torture…the strange thing is I’ve never experienced any anal play…I think I’ll be shopping for a toy tonight…I can barely wait..
This programming is thrilling….I would never have considered anal sex before but craving it now after your hypnosis is bliss…I love this helplessness to your control…I feel more weak and submissive than ever….It feels so good to be back and controlled again…Thank you, Mistress.
Your cum eating slut,